Last Friday I got a case of food poisoning. This triggered a cascade of events in my body. Massive headache leading to nausea, and liquids exploding from both ends of my body to a complete shutdown of my prostate. Women have nothing on men with prostate pain. Giving birth to a baby must be minor compared to the pain of not being able to urinate for 82 hours. Of course I have not given birth but women do not have prostates….so how would they know? Has any woman been in labor 82 hours?
Anyway I had a student bring me Chinese medicine during the 82 hour ordeal of trying to urinate every ten minutes. It did not help. After three nights of not sleeping finally I went to the hospital.
I am doubled over in pain and the doctor leads me to four rooms before he finds one that had an available bed in it. Unfortunately there were several female visitors visiting the other patient. This room turned out to be the examination room. I was told to lay on the bed and pull my pants down. Can you say “Pants on the ground.” I glanced at the visitors and the doctor told them to leave the room. I waited to fully expose myself until they left. I thought I was in the clear…then enters two young nurses and two more doctors. All of them were there to shove one plastic tube in one orafice. Only one doctor performed the procedure. Still cannot figure out why the nurses were there.
Anyway I experienced immediate relief. Then came the bad news. I was told I would have to stay in the hospital 7 days. Well after some haggling they reduced it to 6 hours on the condition I would return to the hospital everyday. Great! Let me out. Then they told me I would have to leave the catheter in and walk around with a bag urine in it for the next seven days and take an IV twice a day at the college clinic. Guess what I got for Christmas…a plastic bag to fill with urine.
Anyway, I could not let such a joyous experience pass in this holiday season without taking some Christmas pictures.
I liked this urologist better at the second hospital.