I went to the dentist today. Normally I would not go anywhere near a dentist but one of my front teeth broke while brushing my teeth. (I told you brushing your teeth is dangerous). The tooth is still sitting by my sink. I grabbed it before it went down the drain. I called my neighbor to see if he had any super-glue. Nope. I went shopping at a local pharmacy to see if they had any teeth for sale. When they got done laughing I could not figure out if it was my bad Chinese they were laughing at or the fact they did not have any spare teeth for sale. Anyway, I left the pharmacy without any spare teeth. I spent Monday and Tuesday teaching Business majors about the importance of first impressions trying not to smile and expose my toothless grin. They must have though I was a grump. Finally I broke down and called the academic dean, told her my problem. Within the hour her assistant was at my door and whisked me off the the Second People’s Hospital to see the dentist. I was’t sure if I should be insulted because it was not the First People’s Hospital. Believe it or not the dentist’s name was Dr. Pain. The office was on the fourth floor in an 8’x4′ open bay. There were about six bays lined up side by side. I was told to lie back in a chair. In the next stall over was a father watching a dentist work on his six year old son. I must have been more interesting. He stepped into my staff and acted like an attending physician although the expression on his face was like a person who was watching and listening to an alien who had just landed his UFO and walked into the hospital. Finally Dr. Pain told him to bug off. The Doctor was very gentle grinding my broken tooth without any pain killer. She must have looked at my muscular physical and figured I was an Army Ranger and could withstand fire, torture, and having my fingernails pulled out without flinching a muscle. After peeling me off the ceiling…twice…she asked me if I felt any pain. She was so beautiful I just had to say “meo” (which in Chinese means ‘no, not me, you kidding.) FInally she gave me a shot of novacaine after a half hour of drilling. Of course she was almost done. Two minutes later I was out of the chair and told to take some medicine and come back in two weeks and she will set a crown. The novacaine kicked in about the time I reached the pharmacy window downstairs and had to tell them my name. I have to admit it sounded very Chinese “mawaoo wansun” through my numb lips.
I am counting the days until I return. Wow. I can’t wait. In the meantime I have to see if I have enough money left to by a gallon of white lightning (Chinese wine) to numb the pain.